From “Burnt Norton”

Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose-garden. My words echo
Thus, in your mind.
But to what purpose
Disturbing the dust on a bowl of rose-leaves
I do not know.
Other echoes
Inhabit the garden. Shall we follow?
Quick, said the bird, find them, find them,
Round the corner. Through the first gate,
Into our first world, shall we follow
The deception of the thrush? Into our first world.
There they were, dignified, invisible,
Moving without pressure, over the dead leaves,
In the autumn heat, through the vibrant air,
And the bird called, in response to
The unheard music hidden in the shrubbery,
And the unseen eyebeam crossed, for the roses
Had the look of flowers that are looked at.
There they were as our guests, accepted and accepting.
So we moved, and they, in a formal pattern,
Along the empty alley, into the box circle,
To look down into the drained pool.
Dry the pool, dry concrete, brown edged,
And the pool was filled with water out of sunlight,
And the lotos rose, quietly, quietly,
The surface glittered out of heart of light,
And they were behind us, reflected in the pool.
Then a cloud passed, and the pool was empty.
Go, said the bird, for the leaves were full of children,
Hidden excitedly, containing laughter.
Go, go, go, said the bird: human kind
Cannot bear very much reality.
Time past and time future
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.

… I wonder if she sent this…

though, on a lighter side…. this one cracked the shit out of me… LOL! one of my new favorites— very close to the one i saved that said, “I feel guilty when I touch my teddy bear between the legs.”

Hear that world? No one is safe. Not one. Cover your backsides America…. LOL. sorry, I wish I knew this person….though not so they could check out my butt, but just because I bet they’d be fun.

There is not much to say tonight….

but i feel as though i should say something before I toss myself to sleep… earlier than i am used to.

I have realized that I do not need that thing to keep me from being lonely….. because I am not lonely these days… I am okay with myself… well not with MYSELF but i am getting better at being okay in the empty moments. as, i have mostly been alone.

but, i am trying to change. i know it needs to happen…. and i think a lot of people reach this point….. at least, that is what i am told……

but i am smiling…. self deprecating a bit, though who wouldn’t be when they actually start to admit the bad things….. i dont want them to be true so i act like they are not—- but they are there even in the cover up…. and its hard to share the bad things you’ve done with the people you’ve done it to…. but i guess i have nothing left to lose…..

[deep breath]

it’s going to be okay…. and as i said a very long time ago… i am going to look back one day and think “hey i am on flat land…. and that hump? oh shit— it’s all the way back there….”