Last night I had the two most bizarre (and related) dreams, that I have had in a while. Basically it started with being pregnant. I hadn’t known that I was for months, and somehow I had found out (and then everything made a lot of sense). So by the time I found out I was going into labor. We tried to call my mother (who in reality would be the first person next to my side if I were going into labor), but she declined and said next time I needed to think about her time commitments when I planned on giving birth. So, I was sort of frustrated and so I called my dad, my friends, and my non-existent girlfriend (who never actually showed up). But some of my friends did (it was so L-word).
Anyway, so I gave birth to the baby, and it was a girl. But the thing was, was that she was born as a hermaphrodite, and disfigured (which didn’t matter to me, because I loved her anyway). I mean when I say disfigured, she basically has some organs that were formed to the point that a three-year old is formed, but the rest was the normal infant size. So in a way it looked like she was a balloon animal, and already had small saggy breasts, and a rotund belly (that looked like someone took an elastic band and put it around it), and hands too big for her arms. Then this specific dream fast forwarded to when she was three, and her playing in the woods with an old camper at mine, while I worked the wall and ropes at my camp. Like I said— really weird.
Then the whole dream basically stopped as I remember it, and I was again pregnant. I was in the same situation, except this time I was with all of my friends before I had the baby. When I did have the baby I had twin boys (which I named Cain and Abel hahaha) and I freaked out because I didn’t know how I was going to support these children. Outside, some of my other friends, that I haven’t seen in a year or so, showed up. They wanted to know who was having a baby, and when they were told that it was me, they started laughing, like it was a joke.
But thing of it all is that in both dreams I hadn’t even had sex. I was just randomly artificially inseminated somehow. And I kept saying, “well at least I will never be alone now.” And somehow also, it was like I would just have the child in my dorm apartment, as I went to school for my last semester.
Like I said, the whole thing was really really bizarre.
Now, I have to dress myself and find my way to campus. I am finished with exams, but now I have to grade. Gross. I think last night I finished 46 of the 120 that I have to do, which is promising. That means only 76 left. And, if I can do 46 in the 6 hours that I was there, imagine what I can do in 10. 
. Also- keep in mind though for two of those hours the other TA was there, and when she is there I get nothing done. She’s on a plane home right now though, so….I shouldn’t have many distractions. Wish me luck. I am not really looking forward to having to complete these. BUT– if I can finish them today then I can leave here tonight. AND THEN have two days to relax before I have to go to work for the next 3.5 weeks (I am going to tell them that I am done working on the 15th so I can have a week to myself).
Have a happy thursday!
***EDIT***
In response the question I received I will say this.
I think that birth probably means a new situation. And the fact that it happens twice means that there are two ways I could go with it? First, I could go the way that seems disfigured– old—ugly–and un-able to be labeled. OR I could go the way that seems like it produces more– it seems correct. In the first case it seemed like my friends were really supportive, but in the second they weren’t even though it looked like a better situation (to me). But, if I choose the second way– I will realize that I am in a time of trouble. A time of really striving to survive. But if I accept the way, and go the way that I wouldn’t want to– that freaks me out kind of– the eventual acceptance and formation will be fine. In the end of my first dream, when my child was playing with my old camper she was fine. She was healthy and looked like a normal child. And I remember laughing.
Of course, I don’t necessarily call myself one to interpret dreams, but if I were that would be what I think it is. What does it mean besides this? Who knows…I could relate it to quite a few different instances in my life. The whole “what does it mean” interpretation— well it reminds me of Robert Frosts poem, The Road Not Taken.
I don’t know, just some thoughts.
