OK. Now, I get that I am a lesbian and all, but these spammers really need to stop telling me to take some pill to increase the growth of my [non-existant] penis, so that I may increase *her* pleasure. I mean, as a girl, what WOULD happen if I took these pills? Would I grow a penis? I mean, seriously, or would it just enlarge some other organs. Have they even tried these on women? If so, I do believe that they should send me the results. I could send it to my friends who are transgendered and show this to them as another option besides surgery.
But still, if I wanted to increase *her* pleasure, I am pretty sure I would just learn to have better sex. I mean, seriously, if I am not good at what I am doing, I think I might just need to take some sex-ed courses. Test some stuff out. Get a doll, practice on that. XD.
Sorry, I don’t mean to be inappropriate, but these spammers need to realize that penis enlargement was SO 1995.
Anyway, I went into the Jews for Jesus chat room again last night, and was [this] close to being saved, when 11pm came and we all got booted out. I went in under the name [FishforLand] and when they asked about my name choice I said that it was an oxymoron, like [Jews for Jesus]. Anyway, things were going great with them trying to save me. Again I was greeted with, “Welcome fish, is there anything you would like to talk about?” Now First of all, I love how they try to put it on me. You already know what they want to talk about. I mean, they don’t put the chat under “get saved” for no reason. Common guys, just be upfront about it, say “Hey fish, do you mind if we talk to you about Jesus?” Because that is exactly what they want to talk about. AND if you are already a believer, don’t even bother, especially if you know more than them. They won’t answer your questions and will call you [anti-missionary].
It’s like, “Why yes thanks I am. I;m very anti the missionary position because I am a lesbian. I prefer the girl-on-girl way.” I mean seriously now, anti-missionary just because I know more about the bible than you do?! I mean common. (Side note: I am not saying that I know more than everyone, I am just saying that I knew more than the people in this specific room— well based on the answers I was given).
Anyway, the second thing that happened is that I ended up in a private chat with the host, who was the one who was most trying to save me. I mean I guess I can understand this. She comes on a couple times a week (I think) and this is her “ministry.” It probably makes her feel like she is doing God’s work, and who am I to criticize that?
But, I asked her the question that I have been asking all week. “What would it do to your faith, if you found out Jesus was gay– with 100 percent proof?” And then I explained that I was only asking because, I am queer, and even though I don’t really think it matters if Jesus were gay or not, I ask because I feel like it would change how a lot of people treat homosexuals. And all of the sudden it was as if I didn’t matter to her anymore. She started getting angry at me and asking, “Do you even care about Jesus?” and then started asking me about things that I have done before in my life. Asked me if I have lied before (um, duh). Then asked me if I had ever stolen anything before (which I actually am proud to say that I haven’t). Then she asked me if I had ever lusted after someone before (which I probably have… so I said yes). And so then she told me (just because of the last one) that I must be an adulterer. And that was it. You are an adulterer. The end. “That’s it. There is no hope— thank you” (via the Jesus Film– dubbed versions).
I don’t know. I just think that it is interesting that the people who claim to be in the [name] of Jesus, don’t really act very [Jesus-like] if you know what I am saying. I am not even saying all of the time. But I mean, most of the time even. Sometimes even. Although, I do have to give props to those who are [as Ghandi said] “like your Jesus.” ["I like your Jesus, but your Christians are nothing like you Jesus."] I mean that is just how it is. Most people [as they will always be sure to tell you] are very imperfect, fallen human beings. But personally, I think it is just a cop out. No you aren’t perfect, but neither am I. Don’t ask me to be perfect (turn away from your sins and become a christian; perfect) and then tell me, “well we are all fallen creatures.”
I guess I am just really tired of excuses. Excuses as to why someone can’t do something, excuses as to why someone acts the way they do. It’s all about justification. Personally, I don’t think I need to justify to anyone why I am queer. I just am. That’s it. It’s not about my sexual history, it’s not about anything. I am just queer. It’s just a part of me existing. And I feel that the reason homosexuals are struggling so much in the present, for marriage, is because everyone wants them to justify themselves. It’s like society is trying to make them prove why they are worthy to get married. And, because they are queer, it is like they are sub-human to some people.
But it isn’t even just that. It’s like it is suddenly okay to do anything (as a Christian) as long as you aren’t gay. Because it’s like people justify themselves by it. “Well so what if I am having sex, and getting an abortion every two months, at least I’m not gay.” You know?
Even that video that I posted a while back by Pat starts with, “I get letter from my fans asking me how to tell their very fundamentalist Christian parents that they don’t believe in God. And my advice to them is this, tell them first that you are a homosexual. Then once they are in hysterics and shock, tell them you are only kidding, and are really just an atheist.” I mean, I know that he is being sarcastic, but I think that there is a lot of truth in what he is saying also.
Anyway, I have a lot to do for tomorrow. (Exams start then). I wish you all the best, and for those of you who were hit with the 8 inches of snow, and are going to be a part of the Northeaster on Sunday— stay warm, and enjoy the snow.
***edit***
In reply to a comment I would like to say this: I don’t believe that all fundamentalist Christian parents would rather their children be atheists. However, I guess I do have the inclination to believe (from my own experience) that many Christians (not all) believe that if you are gay, then it would be an oxymoron to say you were Christian. Mostly it is for the fact that many believe that if you believe in Jesus then you won’t be active in a lifestyle of sin.
Now, I will keep my comments off of that issue for now because this blog is long enough as it is. However, my response to what Pat had said was more that I guess if this is the stance the parents have then, I am [assuming of course] they might even think that you might as well be an atheist, because either way you are dishonoring God. But– I am not saying that all fundamentalist Christian parents think this. This was just how it looks from my end.
